A vacuum makes a loud humming noise in the hall. Two girls are immersed in some conversation close in proximity to the vacuum. Someone in the office cackles loudly. All this is heard with my ears. My eyes are busy and absorbed in the Statistics final that sits in front of me on an off-blue desk. I begin to rock back and forth in an attempt to distract from the noise. Incapable of concentration, I pick up the test. Test in hand, I make way towards the office and pass it in. I left two questions blank. Flustered being an understatement, I speed-walk to my car. Open the door. Clench my teeth. Cuss angrily. Stick the key in its ignition. Speed off to Olive Garden for my 20th birthday celebration.
A purple vacuum hums and clangs around two blonde girls gossiping obnoxiously. "Oh my gosh are you serious?" Shut up. I mutter to myself. I'm alone. Just me and this Stats test I'm never going to finish. "Hahahahahahahaha." A woman cackles much like a hyena. More distraction. I tap my pencil on the painted blue desk while rocking back and forth. Somehow I manage to let myself believe that rocking will drown out the noise. It doesn't. My breathing starts to become rapid and each length of breath gets shorter. The rocking gets worse. The man vacuuming shuffles into the room that I only I occupy and apologizes. Says, "sorry miss, didn't see you there." He makes his way out. I wonder if he saw the frustration in my rosy cheeks. I look back to the test. Flipping the pages, I begin to talk to myself. Like saying the problem aloud will help me solve it. It doesn't. With the girls getting louder, the vacuum still running, and the cackling going on in a room adjacent to mine, I give up. I put my crap in my bag. Put the pages I've ripped apart back together. I get up. Hand my test in unfinished stuttering angrily, "I.. I.. I can't do it. I'm d-done." Hastily I leave without chance of being acknowledged. Happy 20th birthday to me.
Is this correct, or was I supposed to do a third one as well?
ReplyDeleteI like very much all the enhancement you offer in version 2, everything except the 'like a hyena,' a cliche.
ReplyDeleteBut as good as the drop-dead last sentence is in version 2, I prefer the immediate lead into it in version 1. So, here's how I'd end version 2:
Like saying the problem aloud will help me solve it. It doesn't. With the girls getting louder, the vacuum still running, and the cackling going on in a room adjacent to mine, I give up. I put my crap in my bag. Put the pages I've ripped apart back together. I get up. Hand my test in unfinished stuttering angrily, "I.. I.. I can't do it. I'm d-done." I speed-walk to my car. Open the door. Clench my teeth. Cuss angrily. Stick the key in its ignition. Speed off to Olive Garden for the celebration. Happy 20th birthday to me.
How does that sound to you?
I think it's a better ending.
ReplyDelete